Lately I’ve been feeling slightly overwhelmed at work. There’s a lot on, and I’m struggling to context-switch between three or four projects at once. It’s just one of those periods. Not how we usually work, but this time it couldn’t really be avoided.
Since I was a kid, I’ve never liked sloppy work. I need to give my full effort to whatever I’m doing until it’s properly done. It doesn’t matter how tired I am or how much else is going on in my life. I’ve always lived by the idea that something is finished when it’s finished, not when I’m too tired or can’t be bothered anymore.
This stretch is testing that. I have a house move and a parallel renovation keeping me busy with a hundred things I know nothing about, which I throw myself into anyway, trying to learn enough to make the right calls without regrets. At the same time I’m trying to get back in better shape, lose some weight, bring my 10k times down. All of it takes time and energy.
And that’s just the spare time. You can imagine what the workdays look like. We’re launching three new features over the next couple of weeks, which means checks, testing, communications, presentations, last-minute fixes, and planning the rollout. Everything is done. Everything works. But the stress of a release doesn’t go away just because the work is finished. It sits in the back of my mind and quietly builds, never quite letting me relax on projects that are technically complete.
On top of that, I’ve jumped onto some BI tickets while the next frontend projects spin up. More meetings, groundwork tickets, and work I genuinely struggle with, work that takes far longer and far more effort than I’m used to. It’s rewarding and exciting, and draining in equal measure.
In moments like this, there’s one thing that’s vital. Your team.
Having people who understand you, who you can fall back on, matters enormously. I know my team has my back as much as I have theirs. I know I’m in a space where I can experiment safely, with all the trust in the world to deliver what I know I’m capable of. That gives me a huge amount of strength, the energy to keep going even when I’m tired, the PR comments are flooding in, and an unplanned meeting has just appeared on my calendar.
The level of my colleagues is remarkable, as professionals and as people. I’m simply grateful to have this support system, and one of the questions that bounces around my head constantly is: how can I pay it back? How can I be the same for them?
It’s not easy, and it feels like a very large pair of boots to fill. But I’m here, and I’m growing into my role, so I might as well take full advantage and learn everything I can. I watch how the people around me communicate, how they react, how they handle adversity. I study it, hold it up against my own experience, and try to work out what I can do better, which patterns and habits are worth absorbing.
I might be tired, but I’m not blind. I can see how much I’m learning and how much I’m growing. I’ve become far better at communicating, and I feel more comfortable managing projects and making sure everything clicks together. I’m learning the processes, and learning how to use them to get more value out of everything I do.
The technical side matters, of course, and I am getting better at the craft itself. But these other lessons feel invaluable. I feel fortunate just to be able to notice them, to spot a gap in how I carry myself and actually work on it. I’m proud of the professional and the person I’m becoming. And I feel like I’m in the right place at the right time, more than I have in a long while.